To Deputy Lord Lieutenant, Mr. Provost, President Somerville, distinguished
 guests and members of the Clydebank Bowling Club,-------------

 I am delighted to be able to convey my best wishes to you all, and would
 like to offer my congratulations as you begin to celebrate the 125th
 Anniversary of the Club.
 It is a great achievement, that the Club has not only survived for the 125
 years, but that it still continues to thrive over all these years, and
 offers the social get togethers and bowling events that so many of you
 participate in, and enjoy so much.
 Bowling is such a great sport, and although it is played with great rivalry,
 where else do you stop in the heat of the competition, and have a few
 friendly drinks with your fellow opponents.

 I always enjoyed the Bowling season, but as you all know, the Club offers
 the facilities all year round, and it is indeed not only a bowling club, but
 throughout the winter months, also a great social club.
 As your Centenary Year President, I well remember all the events that we
 celebrated back then, and I also remember all the hard work that was put
 into organizing and preparing for the many functions that we all enjoyed.
 I know the same hard work and dedication has been going on to prepare for
 this evening’s dinner and for the upcoming events, and I would like to
 congratulate you all, for the time you have spent in making the celebrations
 as successful as I know they will be.

 I certainly hope your dinner this evening, goes better than our Centenary
 Dinner in the town hall, back in 1984, when we had Hector Nicol as our guest
 artist.

 If there ever was such a thing, as a “*wonderful disaster*”, then I’m sure
 that that was what we had on that particular night.

 It sure was a talking point for a long time afterwards.
 I really enjoyed that Centenary year, and I know you will enjoy the
 125th year just as much, maybe even more so.
 I was delighted to find the Club’s web site on the Internet, and I was able
 to update myself a little on what has been happening at the Club lately.

 Congratulations to last year’s Championship winner, Billy Parker, and to all
 last year’s other winners, and I hope you can go out this year and have
 success in the Scottish tournaments. It would be a great year to bring some
 Scottish silverware back to the Club.
 By the way, congratulations to my old buddies, Messrs, McGinley and Russell
 on their past Championship victories.

 I would also like to pass on my best wishes to the Retired Members Section,
 and of course to the Ladies Section.
 I am sure their contribution is as strong and supportive as it always
 was,----------and their help makes the Club continue to be as successful as
 it is.
 I’m sorry I am not with you tonight, but I am looking forward to being with
 you on your member’s day in September.

 If I could offer a toast,------------------Here’s to all the Virgins and
 Lesbians of the world,-------------Thanks,---------------fer nothin’.
 Ooooops, sorry about that.